The next installment of the Prometheus myth:
As usual, full script is below.
Epimetheus: Prometheus, the human beings are so weak and defenseless.
Prometheus: I have a plan. I’m going up to Mount Olympus, where Zeus and all the powerful gods and goddesses live.
Epimetheus: You’re going to ask Zeus for some more gifts for the human beings. Maybe some warm fur. Maybe Zeus could give them stingers and pincers, too!
Prometheus: If I did that, Zeus would say, Why did Epimetheus forget to give any gifts to the human beings? Then he would probably chain you to a rock and let an eagle peck at your belly.
Epimetheus: OK, let’s come up with a different plan.
Zeus: Look at all those creatures we made!
Athena: They all look so happy.
Poseidon: Porpoises and whales and fish swimming around.
[Crunching sound off screen.]
Zeus: Wow, did you see that?
Athena: An opossum just ate one of the human beings.
Poseidon: It looks like the humans have no way of protecting themselves.
[Door closing off screen.]
Hephaestus: Did you just hear something?
[Prometheus stealing fire in Hephaestus’s forge. Door creaking.]
Athena: That sounded like someone was sneaking around your forge.
[Door closing. Prometheus frozen in front of temple columns.]
Hephaestus: That sounded like someone sneaking around your workshop.
Poseidon: Oh, you guys are just imagining things.
[Prometheus frozen in front of temple columns.]
Zeus: It might be that troublemaker, Prometheus.
[Prometheus sneaks off stage.]
Athena: No, now I don’t hear anything.
Poseidon: Look at those jellyfish. I think jellyfish are the best creature any of us created.
Zeus: I think the creatures I created are the best.
Hephaestus: Of course, yours are the best of all, Zeus!
[Prometheus back on earth.]
Epimetheus: Took you long enough to get back.
Prometheus: I stole fire from Hephaestus, and I stole the arts of Athena.
Epimetheus: Dude, Zeus is going to be SO angry!
Prometheus: Well, I had to get SOMETHING to give to the humans so they wouldn’t all get killed off.
Epimetheus: It’s true, they do need help. Do you know that an opossum ate one of the humans for lunch?
Prometheus: Wow, that’s bad. I’d better give the humans some fire and wisdom right away.
Prometheus: Here you go, have some fire. No no no, you put it in a fireplace and cook things over it.
[Footage of Prometheus handing things out to humans.]
Epimetheus: Prometheus, you have a heart of gold. But Zeus is going to see this as an act of rebellion.
Prometheus: Well, a response of rebellion can be soteriologically authentic.
Epimetheus: Maybe so. But what if Zeus catches you?
Prometheus: Don’t worry. I have a plan.