Too much Old Time Religion

29 parody verses of Old Time Religion, plus the traditional last verse (traditional, that is, if you’re a filker). Collected from many different places on the Web (maybe I made a few of them up), edited (both for style and for a vague correspondence to the religion that is parodied), and neatly assembled so that it can be printed (double-sided) on a single sheet of paper. One verse per religion, so you don’t have to sing endless verses based on, e.g., deities from Ancient Greek religions. And guitar chords. I’ll be bringing this to our local song circle, but you’re welcome to print it out and use it for the cat box.

Old Time Religion (parody version), PDF

For Web-based reference, the text of the PDF appears below the fold…

Orisha devotion:
1. Let us pray to the Orishas,
Not the ones who are too vicious,
Just the ones who grant our wishes,
And that’s good enough for me!

Worshipping money:
2. Mighty Dollar, she’s my savior,
If I spend her or I save her,
She controls all my behavior,
And she’s good enough for me!

Zen Buddhism:
3. I will follow my Zen master,
Answer koans ever faster,
Sit in zazen ever after;
And that’s good enough for me!

Jainism:
4. It is plain that I should be Jain,
From ahimsa I shall refrain,
I’ll allow no bugs to be slain,
And that’s good enough for me!

Ancient Greek religion:
5. Partying with Dionysus,
Getting drunk on wine with spices,
And indulging other vices,
Yes, that’s good enough for me!

Ancient Egyptian religion:
6. Let us sing the praise of Horus
Like the Dynasties before us,
A three-thousand-year-old chorus,
And that’s good enough for me!

Judaism:
7. We will worship great Jehovah—
All you other gods, move over,
’Cause the one God’s taking over,
And that’s good enough for me!

Christianity:
8. We will bow and pray to Jesus,
From our sins he says he frees us,
Life eternal, guarantees us,
And that’s good enough for me!

Zoroastrianism:
9. Let’s pray to Ahura Mazda,
The great god who doesn’t pause ta
Clobber evil when there’s cause ta,
And that’s good enough for me!

Ramayana:
10. We will pray to blue-skinned Rama,
After far too long a drama
He at last killed old Ravana,
And that’s good enough for me!

Unitarian Universalists:
11. We will worship like the UUs,
And believe whatever we choose
While through sermons gently we snooze,
And that’s good enough for me!

Sufis:
12. With the Sufis we are dancing,
All night long they keep us prancing,
Spinning round has sent us trancing,
Whirling Dervishes for me!

Native American Church:
13. Be the Great Spirit’s devotee,
In a tipi, smoke peyote,
Till we think we’re all Coyote,
And that’s good enough for me!

Buddhism:
14. Like the Buddhists, we don’t wanna
Suffer rebirth, so we’re gonna
Meditate to reach Nirvana,
Nothingness is good for me!

Hinduism:
15. We will pray to Hanuman, a
Monkey whose strength is uncommon,
For he dines on curry ramen [jumps the Himalayans]
And that’s good enough for me!

Scientology:
16. L. Ron Hubbard’s Dianetics
Will not let us get frenetic,
Make your Engrams copacetic,
And that’s good enough for me!

Atheism:
17. I am quite sure there are good odds
That god-seers are all drunk sods,
So I’d rather worship no gods,
Nothing’s good enough for me!

Science:
18. We will go and worship science
’Cause we value our reliance
On electrical appliance-es,
It’s good enough for me!

Ancient Roman religion:
19. We went off to worship Venus!
By the Gods! you should have seen us!
(Now the clinic has to screen us…)
But she’s good enough for me!

Confucianism:
20. We will study old Confucius,
Though we read slow, please don’t push us,
Those Five Classics, they confuse us,
But they’re good enough for me!

Ancient Near East divinities:
21. We will have a mighty party
In the honor of Astarte,
Grab your chiton, don’t be tardy,
For she’s good enough for me!

Pastafarianism:
22. If we laugh ourselves unsteady
And keep criticism ready,
Flying monsters of spaghetti
Will be good enough for me!

Aetherius Society (a new religious movement):
23. In the sky I hear a humming,
It’s the UFO’s a-coming,
That’s not banjos that they’re strumming,
But it’s good enough for me!

Ancient Norse religion:
24. It was good enough for Odin,
Though the earthquake was forebodin’,
Then the giants finally strode in,
But it’s good enough for me!

U.S. Christian Fundies:
25. Jerry Falwell says he’s sav-éd,
In a lamb’s blood, he’s been lav-éd
(And he thinks that I’M deprav-éd!),
But he’s good enough for me!

West African mythology:
26.We will hang out with Anansi,
He’s the spider god we fancy
And he wears eight legged pants, he’s
Got enough legs there for me!

Shinto:
27. We will worship Ameratsu
When she hid the sun, it got so
Dark, the gods all lured her out so
That the light would shine on me!

Wicca:
28. We’ll go sky-clad all together
Dance the Circle round the heather,
Never mind the freezing weather,
Wicca’s good enough for me!

The greatest god of them all:
29. Of Great Murphy much is spoken
For his Law shall not be broken;
It’s not pretty when he’s woken,
Things go wrong for you and me!

Traditional last verse:
30. It’s the opera written for us,
We will all join in the chorus,
It’s the opera about Boris
Which is Godunov for me!

Collected & edited by D. Harper, 2018.

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