Not safe for work

I don’t like guided meditations. Perhaps the only guided meditation I’ve actually enjoyed is this one sent to me by a friend. Most definitely Not Safe For Work.

One of the things I hate most about guided meditations is when idiot tries to tell me how to breathe, and how breathing will bring me into harmony with some New Age cosmic something. But this meditation says: “Take in full, deep breaths. Breathe in strength. Breathe out bullshit.” That works for me.

I also hate the usual advice in guided meditations to let distracting thoughts pass out or your head, because — um, mindfulness or something? — not a sufficient reason in my view. But this guided mediation says: “Allow distracting thoughts to float by. Fuck that.” Yes indeed.

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