The first installment of the Contestants on a Game Show! video series:
Here’s the full script as written, though it may have been modified in performance or in editing:
Sarah: I heard that because of COVID, our congregation is losing lots of rental income.
John: How can we raise money to help? I’ve got it! We’ll be contestants on game shows.
Sarah: Whatever prize money we win, we’ll give to the congregation!
John: Let’s start with our favorite game show….
Offscreen announcer while Greg is on screen smiling: Here’s Alex Tribble!
Greg: This is Lethargy, America’s favorite answer and question show. Today’s contestants are John and Francesca from Silicon Valley. And our returning contestant is Sigmund Freud, from Freiberg, Austria.
Sigmund Freud: Hi.
Greg: Here are the three categories for in this round: Famous Unitarians, Famous Universalists, and Famous Unitarian Universalists.
Sigmund: What is this Universalist Unitarian nonsense?
Sarah: I’ll take Famous Unitarians for $200.
Greg: She wrote the famous children’s book Little Women.
Francesca [hitting buzzer]: Oo, oo, I know! Who was Louisa May Alcott?
Greg: That’s correct.
John: I’ll take Famous Universalists for $500.
Greg: He started a famous circus.
John [hitting buzzer]: Who was P. T. Barnum?
Greg: That’s correct.
Sigmund Freud: I choose Famous Unitarian Universalists for $1000!
Greg: The answer is: The inventor of the World Wide Web.
Sigmund [hitting buzzer]: What is the interpretation of dreams?
Sarah [hitting buzzer]: Oo, I know! Who is Tim Berners-Lee?
Greg: That’s correct! Now it’s time for Final Lethargy. The category is: Unitarian Universalist hymns.
John and Sarah jumping up and down: OO! OO!
Greg: Whoever gets this right wins $100,000! And the answer is: The hymn with a rose in wintertime.
Sarah (hitting her buzzer): I know! What is “Come Sing a Song with Me”?
John (hitting his buzzer): I know! What is “Come Sing a Song with Me”?
Sigmund (looking confused): What? What is this rose? Are you all neurotic?
Greg: John and Francesca, you each win $100,000! Today’s third place contestant wins a beautiful lounge suite.
Sigmund (looking furious): I hate lounge suites.
John: Wow, we won!
Sarah: We have $200,000 to give to our congregation!
Greg: Tune in next week when I host another game show….