How to have sex like a UU?

E., a Quaker and one of my dearest friends, sent me a link to a really good post by Quaker blogger Kody Gabriel Hersh titled “Having Sex Like a Quaker.” In this post, Kody, a self-described “queer, trans, sex-positive, Christian, Quaker youth worker,” outlines some of the basic Quaker ethical and theological principles that should inform sexual ethics and morality:

“Equality. Nonviolence and peacebuilding. Care for the earth. Community. Integrity. The direct availability of God to all people. The presence of something ‘of God’ in every human soul. Listening. Waiting for guidance in our decision-making, and checking out important decisions with our community. Continuing revelation.”

Then Kody goes on to present his own personal “list of sexual of sexual commitments and values,” an evolving statement of personal sexual morality rooted in the above principles.

— So for those of us who are Unitarian Universalists, what would be on our equivalent list of ethical and theological principles that should inform our sexual morality? (And no, the “seven principles” are too wordy and vague, and not equivalent to Kody’s list.)

— Next, based on that, what would be your own personal “list of sexual commitments and values”?

I’ll give my own lists in a follow-up post.

2 thoughts on “How to have sex like a UU?”

  1. Nice list, nice assignment. Hersh’s is a pretty good list as a start. I would want to add something in about sex being about fun and pleasure. It’s so easy to get weighed down when thinking through the ethical issues and the connection to reproduction and parenthood, but let’s not forget that most good sex is to reproduction what chocolate is to nutrition: only tangentially related. The idea that sex as mutual enjoyment is not only acceptable, but is potentially one of the greatest blessings of being human, is a very important contribution from liberal religious voices. (Not just liberal. The rabbis of the Talmud said so too.)

  2. How about the values we use in the Our Whole Lives program jointly developed with the United Church of Christ?

    ** Self worth
    Every person is entitled to dignity and self-worth, and to his or her own attitudes and beliefs about sexuality.

    ** Sexual health
    Knowledge about human sexuality is helpful, not harmful. Every individual has the right to accurate information about sexuality and to have her or his questions answered.

    Healthy sexual relationships are:
    -consensual (both people consent)
    -nonexploitative (equal in terms of power, neither person is pressuring or forcing the other into activities or behaviors)
    -mutually pleasurable (both receive pleasure)
    -safe (no or low risk of unintended pregnancy, sexually transmitted infections, and emotional pain)
    -developmentally appropriate (appropriate to the age and maturity of persons involved)
    -based on mutual expectations and caring
    -respectful (including the values of honesty and keeping commitments made to others).

    Sexual intercourse is only one of the many valid ways of expressing sexual feelings with a partner. It is healthier for young adolescents to postpone sexual intercourse.

    ** Responsibility
    We are called to enrich our lives by expressing sexuality in ways that enhance human wholeness and fulfillment and express love, commitment, delight and pleasure.

    All persons have the right and obligation to make responsible sexual choices.

    Justice and inclusivity
    We need to avoid double standards. Women and men of all ages, people of different races, backgrounds, income levels, physical and mental abilities, and sexual orientations must have equal value and rights.

    Sexual relationships should never be coercive or exploitative.

    Being romantically and sexually attracted to both genders (bisexual), the same gender (homosexual) or the other gender (heterosexual) are all natural in the range of human sexual experience.

    -All persons are sexual.
    -Sexuality is a good part of the human experience.
    -Sexuality includes much more than sexual behavior.
    -Human beings are sexual from the time they are born until they die.
    -It is natural to express sexual feelings in a variety of ways.
    -People engage in healthy sexual behavior for a variety of reasons including to express caring and love, to experience intimacy and connection with another, to share pleasure, to bring new life into the world, and to experience fun and relaxation.
    -Sexuality in our society is damaged by violence, exploitation, alienation, dishonesty, abuse of power, and the treatment of persons as objects.
    -It is healthier for young adolescents to postpone sexual intercourse.

    Source —

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