Tag Archives: Cthulhu

Reasons to vote the Elder God Party in November

The Mainstream Media (MSM) had absolutely no coverage of the Elder God Party’s convention. Of course, it is possible that MSM sent reporters to the convention, but upon seeing C’thulhu in person they simply descended into slavering, gibbering madness. Or it may be a vast MSM conspiracy to prevent the message of the Elder God Party from reaching you, the voter.

Whether it’s due to incompetence or malice, if the MSM aren’t going to cover the Elder God Party, clearly it’s up to feisty independent bloggers like me to bring you the rest of the story about the presidential elections. In this post, I’m going to compare the Elder God Party candidates with their Democratic and Republican counterparts.

First, let’s compare the vice-presidential candidates.

They say that Sarah Palin is attractive, but let’s look at Shoggoth. With myriads of temporary eyes forming and un-forming as pustules of greenish light all over its faintly luminous body, what’s not to like? And people say Palin is the perfect vice-presidential candidate because she is amorphous and can take on any shape she chooses from tundra populist to libertarian to right-wing gun nut, but the amoeba-like Shoggoth is far more amorphous than even Sarah Palin.

They say that Joe Biden has lots of experience, but Shoggoth says, “Experience, schmexperience.” Actually, Sarah Palin says that, but Shoggoth doesn’t say anything. When the star-headed Old Ones on this planet had synthesized their simple food forms and bred a good supply of Shoggoths, they allowed other cell groups to develop into other forms of animal and vegetable life for sundry purposes, but they will extirpate Joe Biden when his presence becomes troublesome. Then Shoggoth will bear down upon Joe Biden, crushing the frantic penguins and slithering over the glistening floor that it and its kind had swept so evilly free of all litter….

Next, let’s compare the presidential candidates.

John McCain is making a virtue of his age, referring to himself as a “wrinkly old white-haired guy” in Paris Hilton’s campaign video. But C’thulhu is far, far older than McCain, and after vingtillions of years is loose again and ravening for delight. Bolder than the storied Cyclops, great Cthulhu will slide greasily towards McCain and pursue him with vast wave-raising strokes of cosmic potency, and McCain will look back and go mad, laughing shrilly as he keeps on laughing at intervals, wandering deliriously until he chooses Sarah Palin as a running mate. Oh wait, he already did that.

Then Barack Obama steps into the ring, pushing his way through the ropes. C’thulhu underestimates him, and goes for an immediate pin, but Obama manages to get his foot under the ropes for a rope break. The referee (it’s a guest referee named Diebold) pulls them apart, and C’thulhu circles warily, realizing that Obama might actually know something about wrestling. Obama feints left, grabs C’thulhu and turns the monster upside down, — yes, he’s doing a piledriver, driving C’thulhu’s head repeatedly into the mat! But C’thulhu enjoys this, then reaches out a tentacle and pulls Obama’s feet out from under him! Obama goes down, C’thulhu has him in a submission hold! It looks like it’s all over, but Obama manages to touch the rope again, and it’s another rope break. Suddenly Obama pins C’thulhu and wins, but no!! Deibold the referee isn’t looking, so it doesn’t count! So the referee arbitrarily decides gives the match to C’thulhu. C’thulhu wins! The world screams with fright and frenzy!

So be a good minion and just vote Elder God Party in November, because no matter who you vote for, they’re going to win.

H. P. Lovecraft quotes from here.

I’m voting Elder God Party

The Elder God Party is holding their convention this week, the first of the three major political parties to do so. Oddly, there was very little coverage in the press on the convention. The fact that C’thulhu ate the brains of all journalists in attendance probably did not affect the coverage, since the U.S. press corps hasn’t used their brains for more than seven years when it comes to covering presidential politics. Perhaps there was so little press coverage because the end result was a foregone conclusion: C’thulhu nominated as President, Shoggoth nominated as Vice President. In any case, be a good minion and Vote Elder God Party.

More on C’thulhu

Ever stopped to wonder what might happen if Hello Kitty met up with the wicked elder god C’thulhu? C’mon, ‘fess up, I’ll bet you have!

And why do bother with such silliness on this minister’s blog? Silly stuff like this is a way to play around with ideas. Imagining C’thulhu makes us ask: What if all Western culture’s assumptions about God were utterly wrong? Imagining Hello Kitty as the embodiment of goodness is a little harder to justify, except as a reminder to have a sense of humor when it comes to religion. Frankly, Unitarian Universalism (and Unitarian Universalist blogs in particular) need a strong dose of humor — we take ourselves too seriously.

(By the way, ever notice how Hello Kitty doesn’t have a mouth? How does she talk or eat? Chu!)

Who should do theology?

Got a message from jfield of Left Coast Unitarian about doing Unitarian Universalist theology. He, too, thinks it is important, but in thinking about going and getting a degree in theology he finds himself less than enthusiastic.

Getting a doctorate isn’t the only way to do theology, I contend. I believe the person who had the most influence on Unitarian Universalist theology in the past century was… Sophia Fahs. Her excellent series of church school curriculum books helped to shape a theology of naturalistic theism that was also receptive to humanism. I was in church school a little past the height of the Sophia Fahs curriculum, but when I look at her books now, it’s clear how her curriculum books shaped me. Jesus the Carpenter’s Son helped me think of Jesus as a fully human political and religious thinker. The Church across the Street shaped my understanding of how I should relate to other faith traditions. Martin and Judy (which my mother taught when she taught Sunday school in the 50’s) has me seeing religion growing out of everyday experiences.

I might put Kenneth Patton second to Sophia Fahs in terms of theological influence. Patton was a humanist who believed in the power of symbols and liturgy. He developed exciting new ways of doing worship services without needing a reference to God, Goddess, C’thulhu, or whatever. You could argue that his experimentation with high-church humanism laid the groundwork for contemporary UU theology. His use of American folk tunes for hymns has, I believe, profoundly shaped the way we conceive of worship — after Kenneth Patton, we have to go beyond music composed by “dead white men” in the high Western tradition. If we would pay more attention, I think we’d see that Patton opened us to amazing possibilities in multiculturalism (even if his personal approach had a whiff of colonialism).

Oh, and forget trying to base theology on the “Seven Principles.” While Christian theologians do tend to ground their theology in interpretations of their sacred texts, the “Seven Principles” are excerpts from the UUA’s bylaws, and — alas — lack the poetry and human depth of the Christian and Hebrew scriptures. The “Seven Principles” function fairly well as a profession of faith (thought I still prefer the old Universalist Winchester Profession for sheer poetry, even though I pretty much disagree with it) — but the “SevenPrinciples” are definitely not theology.

Indeed, I sometimes wonder if one of the things keeping Unitarian Universalists from doing theology in our local congregations is that we make the false assumption that the “Seven Principles” are sufficient. They aren’t. They say “what,” but not “why” or “how” or “when.”

To answer the question in the title: Yes, Virginia, you should be doing theology, too.