Stupid Thanksgiving jokes

Q: How do you make a turkey float?
A: One turkey, two scoops of ice cream, and root beer.

Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: It was the chicken’s day off.

Q: Why did the Unitarian Universalist turkey cross the road?
A: To support the other turkey on its spiritual path.

Q: How many Unitarian Universalists does it take to stuff a turkey?
A: One, but you have to push really hard to get him into the turkey.

I was supposed to have Thanksgiving with my Unitarian Universalist relatives, but I couldn’t take it. I left early. I didn’t mind having to join the Committee for the Implementation of Roasted Foodstuffs. I didn’t mind deciding not to have turkey so we could protest the poor working conditions of poultry workers. But after five hours of sitting in a circle trying to reach consensus on how to make stuffing for the turkey we weren’t going to have, I gave up and went to MacDonalds.

Told you they were stupid jokes.

10 thoughts on “Stupid Thanksgiving jokes

  1. Charlie Talbert

    Humor is good, but jokes with turkeys seem incongruous to the realities of their lives and the meaning of Thanksgiving.

    Half the turkeys on the tables of America tomorrow come from the hatchery shown in this 2.5 minute video recently released by the Humane Society of the United States, including turkeys advertised as “free-range”.

    If watching this short video seems like too much of a fun spoiler, know simply that these individuals are born into an abyss of misery and violence that the Devil could not outdo.

    Peace and Thanksgiving.

  2. Scott Wells

    Seeing as I don’t eat turkeys but am a Southerner — and thus eat pan dressing — it took me a while to consider the last graf was a joke at all.

    And it’s either McDonald’s for the fast food chain, or if MacDonalds — perhaps you were going after a turkey. Free range and heritage. E-i-e-i-o.

  3. Doc Häagen-Dazs

    The pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach (who was the only UU in this joke) and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive line.

    When the turkey returned to the sidelines, the coach shouted, “You’re terrific!!! Sign up for the season, and I’ll see to it that you get a huge bonus.”

    “Forget the bonus,” the turkey said, “All I want to know is, does the season go past Thanksgiving Day?”

  4. Charlie Talbert

    Once there was a male baby turkey at a hatchery that said to one of the workers there, “Wait a minute, I don’t want to be dropped into a plastic bag to suffocate in the dumpster out back with all the other male babies!” “Well, all right”, replied the worker, “we’ll put you our front!”

  5. Dan

    Scott @ 2 — Not violating trademarks — that’s me.

    Chalice Chick @ 3 — I’m trying to think of the equivalent for New England…

  6. Jean

    So, a really ugly guy walks into a bar with a duck on his shoulder.

    The bartender says, “Where’d you get the turkey, pal?”

    The duck replies, “Cleveland.”

  7. Dan

    Jean @ 8 — Speaking of ducks — didja hear the one about the two Unitarian Universalists who walked into a bar? The second guy should’ve ducked.

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