Obligatory Olympics post

No, Mr. Crankypants will not be watching the Olympics on television.

Mr. Crankypants is not interested in watching hour after hour of “human interest” crap. Especially when it is inarticulate and boring “human interest” crap:– “So, how did you feel when you won that medal?” “Ah, I felt, ah, well I felt, you know, pretty good, I guess, but it still hasn’t sunk in, ah, you know….”

Furthermore, the only Olympic sport that Mr. Crankypants might have some mild interest in — badminton — will not be shown on American television. If American badminton players Howard Bach and Bob Malaythong win a medal in badminton (as now seems quite possible), you might see video footage of them receiving their medals and being interviewed about how they feel. But you won’t see a full badminton match televised because television executives think it is a “sissy sport.” Sissy, my #$$ — put them on the receiving end of a 200 mph smash and they will quickly learn they are wrong.

And look at the stupid sports that are now included in the Olympics. You can get an Olympic medal in beach vollyeball, for pity’s sake, even though that isn’t a sport at all except in the minds of the marketers who sell beer and vacations. But you cannot get an Olympic medal in real sports like Ultimate frisbee (which is like a full-court press in basketball for a full hour on a field the size of a soccer field), or Freestyle frisbee (which is like gymnastics except much more difficult, and far more interesting to watch).

Then, too, Mr. Crankypants no longer watches much of anything on television. If he were to watch Olympics coverage at all, he wants to see every event streamed live online, with video archives available after the event is over. If the American television networks would allow that, then they could devote all their broadcast hours to the “human interest” stories, which is what gives them the highest ratings, so everyone would be happy.

No, Mr. Crankypants will not be watching the Olympics on television. There is nothing there that he wants to watch. Pfeh.

11 thoughts on “Obligatory Olympics post

  1. ogre

    Mr. Crankypants might — not that it’s an Olympic sport either — appreciate what I’ve heard called “volley-wall-ball,” which is volleyball played in a squash or racquetball court–all walls live. None of this “out!” crap. The ball can come at you from any direction–be alert!

  2. hsofia

    “You can get an Olympic medal in beach vollyeball, for pity’s sake, even though that isn’t a sport at all except in the minds of the marketers who sell beer and vacations.”

    Haha! I just saw there was “men’s beach volleyball” this evening and I was like, “WHAT?!” I couldn’t believe this was in the Olympics. It seemed ridiculous to me.

  3. Jay

    Just for what it’s worth, there’s been tons of badminton during the day on MSNBC. And there’s tons more to watch in the days ahead. (And as NBC’s philosophy has always been different from ABC’s old “up close and personal” style, you *can* see real competition, not fluffy stories.) I used to have feelings similar to yours about beach volleyball. Over the years, though, as I saw the pro tour covered on TV, I developed a real appreciation for beach volleyball as a sport. The athletic prowess is real, and I find it downright exciting.

    Obviously, your mileage may vary!

  4. Jay

    P.S. What seems made up to me is synchronized diving! Why not synchronize everything else? Synchronized hurdling? That makes as much sense. Synchronized fencing. Synchronized judo. Etc. :-)

  5. Jess

    All of the video of all the events is online, and also available after the event. There’s something like 2000 hours available on nbcolympics.com. Some of it doesn’t have any commentary at all.

    And as I’m typing, there’s a live badminton stream available.

    I’m a junkie, I love it all. But having a DVR means I get to fast forward through the boring bits. ;-)

  6. Dan

    Jess — Thanks for the info about live online coverage of the Olympics. Like Mr. Crankypants, I tried to get BBC video of the Olympics — didn’t find the site to which to pointed us.

  7. Mr. Crankypants

    ogre — That sounds like a real sport indeed.

    h sofia — So, in men’s beach volleyball do they have to wear thongs or something? No, really, inquiring minds want to know.

    jay @ 4 — Or synchronized beer drinking — surely that could be an Olympic sport.

    Jess — You’re no fun at all. Don’t confuse Mr. C. with facts, please.

  8. UU Jester

    Bad Mr. C.

    I’m watching badminton on TV right now.
    (Never figured Mr. C for a shuttlecock fan.)
    I love watching beach volleyball.
    (What about it makes it not a sport? Oh, it looks like something normal people might like to try… Mr. C probably doesn’t like curling either.)
    Agree with Jay.
    (Synchronized diving is just plain odd.)
    And some people like some stories with their sports.
    (Sue me.)

  9. Philocrites

    Mr Philocripants dreams of the UU Olympics, with events like synchronized chalice lighting, competitive identity caucusing, and underwater resolution amending. Everyone will win a gold medal, naturally, but the medals won’t be made of gold because that would be oppressive. The Opening Potluck of Nations will welcome like-minded liberals with advanced degrees from all parts of the world to enjoy a pageant of vegan dishes.

  10. Dan

    Philocrites @ 10 — Actually, gold might be OK in the medals as long as it’s “green” gold, i.e., mined by union employees from ecologically-approved mines, either that or gold that has been recycled from some other (oppressive) use. But really, the money spent on gold would be better spent on social justice projects….

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