New third-party candidate

I have been an avid supporter of C’thulhu for president (“Why choose a lesser evil when you can have the greatest evil of all?”). However, I admit that I have been bothered by the Elder God Party’s platform — “Bow down in fear, pitiful minion, and prepare to meet your doom” — is just too similar to the platforms of the Democratic Party and Republican Party. I want a third-party candidate who can differentiate him/her/itself from the major party candidates.

I recently learned that a new third-party candidate, Owen W. Indy Roosevelt Jones Jr., has announced that he will be running for president. Owen (he likes to be on a first name basis with people) has formed a new party, the Richmond Canine Party, colloquially known as the “Let’s Go to the Dogs Party.” In an exclusive interview with blogger Writewrite, Owen has revealed his platform:

“Food, water, shots, walks, dog parks, treats, belly rubs, fetch. For everyone.” Then he grinned, really big. “And all dogs get to sleep on the bed.”…

He wagged his tail, picked up his tennis ball, and asked to go out and start the campaign.

Now that’s a candidate I can support.

5 thoughts on “New third-party candidate

  1. Martin Voelker

    A friend used to have a beat up car which was perfect for Boston driving. He claimed his bumper sticker “Campus Crusade for C’thulhu” insured that people would keep a safe distance.

  2. Owen

    Hello! This is Owen! I want to make sure your readers know about my motto which is this: Do Only Good. Otherwise known as DOG!

    Meanwhile, I have chosen a running mate and HER name will be announced on Writewrite’s blog very very soon!

  3. dwight

    Cthulhu is a new one on me. After researching the candidate i’ve concluded he has way too much in common with the neocons.

    Owen seems a much wiser choice, but i’m worried that the motto “In Dog we trust” will only hurt the dollar more.

  4. Dan

    Owen @ 2 & 4 — I am so honored that a presidential candidate of your fame and stature would comment on my blog! This shows what kind of president Owen would make — someone who remains in touch with the common person.

    Dwight @ 3 — No, no, C’thulhu isn’t like the neo-cons, he eats neo-cons. Of course, he also eats liberals and socialists and everyone else for that matter….

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