Recently, our tiny little youth group here at First Unitarian in New Bedford has been adding one or two new people, who have come at the invitation of a regular attender of the youth group. These newcomers have no prior affiliation with our church.
Now, in the evangelical church world, this would be considered normal. Indeed, youth groups and youth ministries are often used by evangelical churches to promote rapid growth. Willow Creek Community Church outside Chicago was founded in 1975 as a youth ministry, and now boasts an average worship attendance of 20,000 people each week (Wikipedia on Willow Creek).
By contrast, in the Unitarian Universalist church world — or indeed, in many liberal churches — we may become quite uncomfortable if “outsiders” begin to attend our youth groups. I have heard various reasons for this discomfort, and I’ll give you three such reasons (these are fictional reasons, but based on actual conversations I’ve had):– (1) The church is not able to expend human resources (volunteer or paid) or financial resources on “outside” youth; (2) The church faces legal and/or insurance trouble if “outside” youth are allowed to participate in church activities without written permission, and/or with parents/guardians present on church grounds; (3) The church cannot guarantee that “outside” youth will behave appropriately. That’s what some people say.
Personally, I’ve always supported the right of “outsiders” of any age to participate in the activities of any liberal church, although I do feel that children under 12 should be accompanied by parents or guardians during Sunday school because I think it’s better for the children to have parent involvement at that age. In previous churches I have served, we welcomed “outside” youth, about half of whom became pledging church members — and of course I am continuing that practice here in New Bedford. But I know there’s debate on the topic, and I’d love to hear from you — I’d like both your opinions on if and how your congregation should allow “outsiders” to participate, and whether you think youth ministry could or should be a way for liberal congregations to grow.
Dan, I’m with you on this. This comes right back to our first UU principle, affirming the “inherent worth and dignity of every person.”
These youth should be welcomed to your congregation. There’s a well-known UU youth group in Massachusetts that regularly attracts youth who do not have parents in the congregation. That group is thriving. When youth find our congregations, we should see them as a blessing and do all that we can to nurture their spiritual lives.
Also, the permission thing seems pretty cut and dry. Either guardian-signed forms are required for all minors participating in the youth group, or they are not. Of course the youth group should have a set of policies in place that limit liability, ensure the safety of group participants, and adhere to the congregation’s insurance policy—but I don’t see why such policies would need to exclude youth just because their parent(s) aren’t members of the congregation. Presumably these youth are still perfectly capable of getting forms signed by a guardian.
A significant number of UU young adults I know who are very active in their congregations, districts or at the continental level, came to UUism through a friend they had as an adolescent. Turning people like them away because they (or their parents) aren’t members strikes me as a backwards move that says, “We don’t need you.”
Jeez. No wonder I no longer want to be a UU. Is this *really* what some UUs say? I’m sorely disappointed.
Just our experience: Our small congregation welcomes youth joining in youth activities at the church. Field trips would require parental permission, though, just as for the youth whose parents are involved. As Shelby said, it’s easy enough for the DRE to hand a form to the youth and say they need it signed for field trips (a blanket form for the year is what we do). We even had a couple youth join in a service trip to New Orleans, whose parents are uninvolved – but parents had to come to an informational meeting, sign permission slips, and presumably pay for transportation! I think it’s good when youth bring friends – that’s how I got involved with a Christian church in my teens.
While I was one of the advisors at our church in Providence the youth group grew from 8 to 10 regular participants to nearly 30. Not sure their numbers now.
Over that time I had friends of youth attend resulting in their parents eventually joining the church.
I have also had liberal “unchurched” youth find us and come on their own without any established connection to the group.
Close the youth group? How about taking the sign of the church and requiring an i.d. badge to attend the worship service.
However we structure our youth programs and youth ministry, we need to keep in mind that this is PHASE I of our adult ministry. This is where we establish the culture.
Where do we want our movement to go? Based on this vision, what kind of culture should we establish with our youth?
Yes, we need to address the resource issues and legality, but this can’t drive our ministry.
Most UU churches I have been to don’t really seem to be actively engaged in youth ministry. If the purpose of your youth program is to minister to the needs of the youth then the inclusion of any youth is pretty much a no brainer. Sure you need permission, parental consent if not involvement, etc. but a youth ministry should not turn youth away.
Most UU churches seem to conceptualize youth programming as simply religious education. The focus being designing programs that are appropriate for the children of the members. When you contemplate youth from this perspective it makes sense why it would be uncomfortable to include “outside” youth.
When I was a YRUU adviser we went with the former philosophy. We had youth with Catholic parents who wanted a safe place to explore their earth centered spirituality. It was hard because the program was still under the purview of the RE which was not adequately set up to handle these situations. We made sure it worked, because these youth had to jump through parental hoops to attend (extra chores, homework, etc.). We wanted to provide that safe haven.
In response to your direct question yes it is a way to grow. When a youth is part of your youth ministry program your congregation is ministering to their needs. There is nothing “outside” about them. Personally I think YRUU and youth ministry in general should be separated from anything to do with RE and YRUU advisers should be looked at, and trained as youth ministers reporting to either the minister or ministerial committee. That should eliminate any ambiguity regarding how to treat youth that choose to attend.
To answer your questions directly: yes and yes. Absolutely.
I’m one of six volunteer adult advisers to our senior high youth group. If everyone shows up, we’ve got 25+ kids. Maybe five or six come from families that have little or no association with the church besides YG. We’re glad to have them and it’s never occurred to me to think of them as outsiders. It would be great if we had more.
I think we’re well-positioned to mitigate the risks associated with the ‘reasons for discomfort’ you listed with outside youth. We’ve got six experienced advisers to share the work and keep an eye on things. We’ve got a great Youth Programs Coordinator on staff who supports us. We’ve got parents who often help out with logistics and activities. And our youth group is a blast. We do many events and activities, both service-oriented and fun (though the two are by no means mutually exclusive). I think the kids generally think participation is a privilege and act accordingly. We’re pretty tyrannical about getting signed permission slips for everything. We plan and run two congregation-wide services a year. We revisit our behavioral covenant every year and refer to it often. We seem to have been doing a decent job at leadership development among the kids…the older kids modeling “good” YG behavior, helping organize meetings and trips, etc. We could do better with that. I realize some of what I’ve listed is related to scale. I can imagine that it might be harder to accommodate outside youth in a smaller program.
If it’s not obvious yet, I’m a big fan of including any and all youth who want to participate and who are willing to act in the spirit of the group. If our church and our faith and even our ideas are going to thrive, we need to reach young people and lots of them…not just because we need to populate the next generation of UUs, but also because working with youth can add so much energy and creativity to a congregation.
We’ve had youth whose parents were not involved with our congregation join our youth group. No problems. No concerns.
One was the girlfriend of an active member/leader of the group. She blossomed and became very active; her parents showed up now and then to social events… and never seemed concerned. Another… I don’t know why she showed up–other than that she wasn’t dating anyone in the group at the time. Then she graduated… and a couple years later, her parents and baby sister showed up–and mom is now very, very active. It didn’t happen earlier, she says, because it wasn’t the right time for her–yet. But her daughter’s experience made it a right place, a safe place for her, and she’s very grateful that it was, and is, for both of them (the older daughter’s been back to visit, too).
Another young man showed up on his own, almost 18 at the time, as I recall. Homeschooled (well), he found us on the internet. He chose to become a member, although he largely hung out with the youth group. He’s not around now–off to college–but given what he planned to do after graduation, he’ll be back.
Given safe congregations practices… I wouldn’t worry about any kid choosing to attend. If a parent objects, then a parent is in a position to forbid it. It’s not appropriate for us to be turning people away because of their age. Behavior, yes.
Heck, we ought to be encouraging our youth to invite/bring their friends. I’ve been delighted to see some of ours do this. And some of them show up now and then (which… is as often as some of our youth show up, so maybe we have more youth-without-parents than I realize).
I agree, we should really outstretch our liberal tree-hugging arms to the new-commers. We have particularly, Scottie, Amy, and Leona. They all said the same thing, “This is the first church I’ve been too that actually feels like makes us want to attend the next week.
Thanks to everyone who has commented so far!! A few responses:
Shelby @ 1 — I think the Massachusetts youth group you’re referring to is the one at First Unitarian in Winchester. They have about a hundred youth and a paid youth director, Jessica Rubenstein, who learned about youth ministry from evangelical and mainstream Christian churches. (Note that in the evangelical world, hundred member youth groups are fairly common.)
Jean @ 3 — Gosh, you sound as snarky as me, we must share some DNA or something. Seriously, though, there are real problems that come with welcoming “outsiders”, and perhaps to be fair I should outline some of those in a later post.
Earthbound Spirit @ 4 — You write: “a blanket form for the year is what we do” — While this is a common practice, it should be said that in some states and provinces, a blanket permission form is essentially useless, and may expose you to additional legal risk — consult your congregation’s legal counsel or insurance agent for more information if this kind of thing worries you (as it worries me). Obviously, each congregation has to determine what level of risk it is willing to take, which is sort of the whole point of this post.
UUpdater @ 6 — You write: “Most UU churches I have been to don’t really seem to be actively engaged in youth ministry.” That about sums it up, doesn’t it? Most liberal churches have a youth program that is merely an adjunct to more important ministries, a program that receives little in the way of attention, financing, or staff resources. It’s a question of priorities, I guess.
Chris @ 7 — You have a great youth program in your church, one that has the emotional and spiritual salvation of some people in their teens who needed a safe place. Wow, what a program you describe! Dear readers, if you’re looking for a youth group to emulate, click on Chris’s name to link to her church, and send a note to “Chris the Youth Advisor” c/o that church…. Chris, you also write: “I can imagine that it might be harder to accommodate outside youth in a smaller program.” — Believe it or not, my experience is that it is easier, at least in our small church.
I dont have any recent experience with youth groups.
but isnt this a good question for your local town ministerial group?
what do the rest of the other churches of your community do about youth groups?
I think we’re off the mark when we look at ANYONE and think, “outsider.” I don’t build church community so we can set ourselves apart from the people of the world, I build church community to help unite the people of the world.
I think you are intentionally stirring the pot! Seems to me once a youth or adult starts coming through our door and attending church functions regularly – no matter if they are 12 or 22 or if the particular church program meets in the morning or evening – that individual is a part of our religious community. Granted, there are some groups and activities that are more peripheral and may not meet the criteria for this. But, our religious education programs (and youth groups) are definitely church functions. (I know you know this.) So, why in the world would we assume that a person doesn’t count as a member of our community because his or her family members don’t attend? Seems that criteria would rule out many of us.
I realize the issues are not quite this simple, but I couldn’t resist being snarky. Yes…this is me being snarky. Fortunately, I have other talents!
Glad tidings from your DRE
MBT @13 — Sure, I’m stirring the pot, but this is also a very real issue that crops up in interesting places — e.g., every so often on an email list for youth advisors that I read, in budget discussions when deciding how much budget for the paid youth director, in DRE gatherings. Historically, this was a huge issue in the late 1960s and early 1970s, as churches tried to figure out how to reach out to alienated youth, and sometimes it seems that some people are still reliving those old conversations.