Tag Archives: conspiracy theory

Coincidence? Or conspiracy?

At last night’s Sacred Harp singing, Hal told us that as of February 19, the International Union for Pure and Applied Chemistry (IUPAC) has officially recognized the name “copernicium” for chemical element number 112, an element which was first synthesized in 1996 at the Helmholtz Centre for Heavy Ion Research in Darmstadt, Germany. The song numbered 112 in the 1991 Denson edition of The Scared Harp is a song titled “The Last Words of Copernicus.”

Coincidence, or conspiracy? For those of you who think this is mere coincidence, IUPAC made this new name official on February 19, which was the 537th birthday of Copernicus. Now take 537, divide it by the atomic weight of the synthesized atom of copernicium (Cn-277), and you come up with 1.94. This is extraordinarily close to 1.87, which is the height of Barack Obama in meters. The difference between 1.94 and 1.87 is 0.07, and there is no Sacred Harp song numbered 7! (And the half-life of 277Cn is 0.7 ms!) Clearly, IUPAC is telling us that Barack Obama is not American, but instead is a Polish citizen, like Copernicus! No wonder no one can find Obama’s birth certificate — it was “lost” when the Soviets ruled Poland, because Obama is really a Soviet!

Mere coincidence? Or part of a world-wide conspiracy of scientists and politicians who want to do away with our American Christian democratic lifestyle by cramming global warming and same-sex marriage down our throats? You wimpy liberals probably think this is coincidence, but if this blog disappears in the next few days, you’ll know it’s really a conspiracy!

Coincidence? No!

Mr. Crankypants here, Dan’s evil alter ego — back to educate and enlighten you. While Dan is too much of a scaredy-cat to write about politics, Mr. Crankypants loves to tell you what’s wrong with the U.S. of A.

Generally speaking, Mr. Crnakypants does not believe in conspiracy theories and the like, but the UFO crash in Roswell, New Mexico is well known to be true (Mr. Crankypants knows it’s true because he read it in a book once when he was ten years old, and he has believed it ever since).

Today, Mr. Crankypants received the following email message from a mysterious, unidentified sender (probably a secret government agent):

Many will recall that, on July 8, 1947, witnesses claimed [It’s not a claim, it’s the truth –Mr. C.] an unidentified object, with five aliens aboard, crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico.

This is a well-known incident which many say has long been covered up by the United States Air Force and the federal government.

However, what you may NOT know, is that in the month of March 1948, exactly nine months later, George W. Bush, Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Condoleezza Rice, and Dan Quayle were all born.

This information may clear up a lot of questions.

Indeed, this information opens many new avenues of exploration. For example, this reveals that the cover-up is even more extensive than we had thought. Remember that George W. Bush claims to be born in July, 1946; Cheney in January, 1941; Rumsfeld in July 1932; O’Reilly in September, 1949; Limbaugh in January, 1951; Rice in November, 1954; and Quayle in February, 1947. Clearly, the alien conspiracy must reach the highest and lowest levels of government, involving falsification of birth and school records, insertions of birth announcements in newspapers, etc.

On the other hand, Al Gore was in fact born in March of 1948. Or was he? The falsification of records has extended as far as trying smear Gore with the accusation of being alien offspring! Either that, or he was injected with something that allowed him to create PowerPoint presentations on climate change before PowerPoint had even been invented.

Mr. Crankypants would only add that March, 1948, is the month the Hells Angels was founded. Coincidence? Hardly!