Extended Family Groups
Extended Family Groups are multi-generational church groups that meet together for fellowship, and to build cross-generational connections. Below are some materials that explain Extended Family Groups.
Extended Family Groups in a small congregation
Extended Family Groups in larger congregations
Extended Family Groups in larger congregations
In the winter and spring of 2004, when I was minister of religious education at the Unitarian Universalist Church of Berkeley (UUCB) in Kensington, Calif., I got interested in creating a program to promote intergenerational contact between members of the congregation. A couple of years ago, my father joined something called an "Extended Family" in his Unitarian Universalist church, First Parish of Concord (Mass.). This was a well-established program at his church, and one Extended Family group there has been going strong for for more than thirty years there.
UUCB was a large congregation (525 members, 350 average attendance), and communication proved to be the most difficult aspect of implementing the Extended Family Groups. I developed the following handouts to communicate the program to potential participants:
Extended Family Group Frequently Asked Questions -- informational handout
2004 Extended Family Group Form -- application form for individuals and families
These two handouts should tell you much of what you need to know about starting Extended Family groups in your congregation (and feel free to copy whatever you need from these forms for use in your own congregation).
Planning details
Here are some things you should know about setting up an Extended Family Group program in a large or mid-sized congregation:
(1) Publicity should be widespread, using whatever channels work best in your congregation. Word of mouth always works, so you should also talk up the program yourself.
(2) I held an orientation meeting a month before the deadline for submitting forms. I made sure people knew that this was simply an informational meeting. I found that families with children did not attend this meeting, and I did a fair amount of direct, one-on-one contact with parents of children and teens to get the information to them.
(3) (Don't tell anyone, but of course I planned on stretching the deadline a week beyond the advertised deadline. Families with children often have overloaded lives, and probably half of the families with children sent in their application forms in the week after the deadline.)
(4) I set the groups up myself, paying attention to the following details --
I assigned people to Extended Family groups on the basis of preferred meeting times and ages. I sent out email (and snail mail to those with no email addresses) to people in a given Extended Family group with names and addresses and phone numbers of everyone in their group. I assigned each group a meeting time, and I also told them which family/person was going to host the first meeting.
(5) Be sure to plan on a few complaints and one or two last minute crises before the first meetings.
(6) Be aware that some people will experience the first couple of meetings as uncomfortable or difficult. When people call you to talk with about you this, normalize their feelings, and tell them to hold on for another couple of months. Things seem to settle down after those first two or three meetings.
(7) Finally, this is a very easy program to start up. It took very little of my time, and logistics were simple.
Unsolved problems:
(1) We are still working on whether to make Extended Family groups open or closed. If Extended Family groups are going to be open to new members, how often will they open up -- perhaps once a year? If they are closed, what happens when the inevitable attrition (from people moving out of town, etc.) takes place?
(2) Quite a few people wanted to get involved with Extended Families, but could not commit in this initial round. When would be a good time to try to set up another round of Extended Families -- perhaps in a year?
(3) We started two Extended Family groups with 22 people in each group. The membership of the congregation is 526, with just under 300 people at worship on Sunday, and under a hundred children registered in the religious education program. By any measure we did not get a large percentage of the congregation to participate in the program. It looks like this is a program that will work best in mid-sized or large congregations, but I can't be sure about that.
(4) We have done no formal evaluation of this program. Informal feedback seems to indicate that the programs are successful, but in the long term there will need to be a way to do more formal evaluation. (For example, I envision the Extended Family group program as another form of small group ministry, filling a similar role to Covenant Groups or Evensong classes -- formal evaluation will tell us if Extended Family groups do fill that role.) A proposed evaluation form may be found here, but note that the form is still under development and subject to change.
Newsletter announcement
New group forming at First Unitarian
Want to make connections with other people at church? Interested in meeting people from church of all different ages? Then you might be interested in being a part of an Extended Family Group.
An Extended Family Group is an intergenerational group of 10 to 12 people from at least four different unrelated households, who commit to sharing a meal once a month. The goal is to open up new connections between people at First Unitarian simply by sharing a meal and socializing informally.
Here's how the Extended Family Group will work at our church. The group will meet on once a month on a Sunday afternoon after church, and can meet either at the church or in people's homes. To start out, we're looking for a seven month commitment (May to November, with one month off in the summer). The meetings will last about two hours, long enough to share a meal and to spend some time talking or playing board games. All meals will be "pot luck," that is, every household brings a dish to share with everyone else. If you have any more questions, ask me for an information sheet that outlines exactly how the group will work.
If you're interested in joining the Extended Family Group, let me know as soon as possible. Just call the church office at 508-994-9686 and leave me a message.
-- Dan Harper
Extended Family Groups at First Unitarian in New Bedford (Mass.)
Note: As I had feared, the Extended Family program did not get off the ground at First Unitarian. While a few people expressed interest, the congregation was really too small (50 active members, a dozen or so shut-ins) for the concept to take hold. My guess is that you need at least a hundred active members (determine active members by average worship attendance for 52 weeks) to have enough people to form a single extended family.
Newsletter announcement
New group forming at First Unitarian
Want to make connections with other people at church? Interested in meeting people from church of all different ages? Then you might be interested in being a part of an Extended Family Group.
An Extended Family Group is an intergenerational group of 10 to 12 people from at least four different unrelated households, who commit to sharing a meal once a month. The goal is to open up new connections between people at First Unitarian simply by sharing a meal and socializing informally.
Here's how the Extended Family Group will work at our church. The group will meet on once a month on a Sunday afternoon after church, and can meet either at the church or in people's homes. To start out, we're looking for a seven month commitment (May to November, with one month off in the summer). The meetings will last about two hours, long enough to share a meal and to spend some time talking or playing board games. All meals will be "pot luck," that is, every household brings a dish to share with everyone else. If you have any more questions, ask me for an information sheet that outlines exactly how the group will work.
If you're interested in joining the Extended Family Group, let me know as soon as possible. Just call the church office at 508-994-9686 and leave me a message.
-- Dan Harper
Application form to join the Extended Family Group
The First Unitarian Extended Family Group is an intergenerational group of people who commit themselves to sharing a meal once a month from May, 2006, through November, 2006 (with one month off in the summer). The goal is to open up new contacts with people of all ages simply by sitting down together for a meal and socializing informally.
Our Extended Family Group will consist of 10 to 12 people from at least four different households. All meals will be "potluck," that is, each person will bring food to share with the rest of the Group. You are asked to make a formal commitment to attend Extended Family Group meetings monthly for seven months. The extended family will meet one Sunday afternoon a month after church
Please check any that apply to you:
_____ Can you host 10 to 12 people in your home for a meal?
_____ Are you an organized person, and would you be willing to convene the Extended Family Group each month?
(I) (We) wish to join an Extended Family Group at UUCB....
(I commit myself) (We commit ourselves) to meet with the Extended Family Group once a month, sharing a meal and socializing, from May through November, 2006, with one month off for the summer.
1. Please sign and print name:
__________________________________________
2. Please sign and print name:
__________________________________________
Please have any other family members who wish to participate sign this form on the back (children and youth, too), and print their names under their signatures.
Mailing address:
__________________________________________
City and ZIP:
__________________________________________
Telephone:
__________________________________________
Email address:
__________________________________________
Deadline: Please get this form to Dan Harper or the church office by 4/9/06.
Questions and answers about the First Uniraian Extended Family Group
1. What is the First Unitarian Extended Family Group?
An Extended Family Group is an intergenerational group of 10 to 12 people from at least four different unrelated households, who commit to sharing a meal once a month. The goal is to open up new connections between people at First Unitarian simply by sharing a meal and socializing informally.
2. How does the Extended Family Group work?
Here's how the Extended Family Group will work at our church. The group will meet on once a month on a Sunday afternoon after church, and can meet either at the church or in people's homes. To start out, we're looking for a seven month commitment (May to November, with one month off in the summer). The meetings will last about two hours, long enough to share a meal and to spend some time talking or playing board games. All meals will be "pot luck," that is, every household brings a dish to share with everyone else. If you have any more questions, ask me for an information sheet that outlines exactly how the group will work.
3. What happens in November, 2006?
After seven months, you'll have the chance to continue with the group, or drop out. If people drop out, Dan Harper will help the Extended Family Group find new members. Some Extended Family Groups go on for as long as thrity years -- others don't -- either way is fine!
4. How do I join the First Unitarian Extended Family Group?
Talk to our minister, Dan Harper -- or fill out a simple form where you commit to attending, and where you can put down your contact information.
5. If the Extended Family Groups meet for meals, how are meals arranged?
All meals are "potluck," that is, each person will bring a dish to share with the rest of the group. Often, one or two people in a group take on the responsibility of deciding what type of dish each person should bring (someone brings salad, someone brings dessert, etc.). Other groups just trust that things will work out (and in such groups, usually things do work out!). If you have special food requirements, you should tell your Extended Family Group directly. If you have an unusual diet, some people in your group might want recipe suggestions.
6. What kind of commitment do I make to join an Extended Family Group?
You are asked to make a formal commitment to attend Extended Family Group meetings monthly for seven months, from May through November, 2005 (with one month off in the sumemr). Obviously, something might come up that means you or a family member has to miss a meeting, such as unexpected travel for your job, a funeral or other family responsibility, illness, or an annual family vacation. But please take this commitment seriously.
7. What happens if we run into problems?
Rev. Dan Harper is always available to help with any problems the Extended Family Group may run in to.
8. What can I do to help my Extended Family Group succeed?
Successful Extended Family Groups say it's simple -- just relax, share a meal and play some games together. One very specific suggestion comes from a successful Extended Family Group -- if you decide to spend time socializing after you share a meal together, a good way to start out is to have a board game or jigsaw puzzle available ("Apple to Apple Junior" is a recommended board game). Both these are low-stress ways to get to know each other.
9. Do you have a suggested schedule for a meeting of an Extended Family Group?
Yes. Try this two-hour-long schedule:
- 15 minutes for people to gather and set up their food contributions.
- Begin each meal by lighting a candle. Hold hands and have a moment of silent thanks.
- 45 minutes to eat together.
- 30 minutes of time to play "Apple to Apple Junior" or other board game.
- 30 minutes helping the host clean up.
10. Are there any other requirements or commitments?
Nothing except a willingness to have fun and meet other people from UUCB!
If you have other questions, feel free to contact Rev. Dan Harper at church -- 508-994-9686.