Comments on: One faith perspective on teen suicide

By: crayoneater

crayoneater — Mon, 14 Sep 2009 18:56:38 +0000

@7 ‘live fast, die pretty’ was so popular among my generation that Hot Topic came out with a line of back-to-school gear with the message silk-screened.

as an adult it’s easy to see suicide as a very selfish act, and having worked with kids you know how selfish they can be… but the only teens I knew that killed themselves did it because they were Mormon and gay and didn’t know that there was a bigger world outside waiting for them.

They weren’t depressed, they were hopeless. There are a lot of angles to consider–even requiring independent living classes in high school might help a lot of kids feel more prepared and in-control of their lives rather than dependent on their families.

By: kim

kim — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 07:07:06 +0000

As I understand it, teens are also prone to commit suicide because it is “fashionable” in their social group. What a tragedy. What can we do?

By: Dan

Dan — Sun, 06 Sep 2009 03:27:54 +0000

Ms. M @ 3 — Alas, yes, many UU congregations lack solid skills in ministering to youth — many UU congregations have no youth programs, and many other UU congregations delegate youth ministry to a couple of volunteer (or barely paid) youth advisors with no wide congregational support. Yet it’s a critical time of life.

Glen @ 4 — Thanks for the moving personal anecdote, and for the wise words on how we can’t expect behavior from our youth that we don’t expect from our adults.

Wayne Smith @ 5 — Thanks for the correctives on suicide and terminal illness. There are other alternatives, such as adequate pain management, hospice care, etc. I can’t speak highly enough of hospice — they make it possible for people to die comfortably and in dignity.

By: Wayne Smith

Wayne Smith — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 01:42:28 +0000

Dan writes: “If someone wants to commit suicide because of terminal illness, that’s one thing — but when a healthy teenaged person commits suicide, we are struck by the tragedy of losing a unique person who is worthy of love and who has inherent worth and dignity.”

It seems more than “one thing” if someone with a terminal illness considers suicide. Different than for a healthy person of any age, not just a teenager, it seems to me but I’d also want us to remain mindful that if a person with a terminal illness wants to commit suicide, it may not be their best decision by any means: advice and support from ministers, doctors, and loved one, for example, may lead the person to another choice than suicide or euthanasia. From what I understand, in Oregon, where physician-assisted euthanasia is legal, is it not, many people do not opt for it. Even if death seems certain, there may be ways to go into it than suicide and there is a danger that someone with a terminal illness may opt for suicide due to depression.

So you may have been focused on teens (without a terminal illness) when you made this blog entry but please don’t discount that for people with what seems to be a terminal illness suicide/euthanasia may not be “one thing”: they too are “unique person who is worthy of love and who has inherent worth and dignity” whose loss will be felt.

By: Glen

Glen — Fri, 04 Sep 2009 20:33:19 +0000

When I was a teen I spent most of those years fantasizing about suicide due to being gay AND a near-constant victim of bullying (I was once beaten into unconciousness and no, I never told anyone). I got through it–barely.
I have been a youth group advisor for over 10 years. To listen to our group’s members at any given meeting you would think that none of them have any concerns whatsoever, yet at a worship service they held during one of their meetings, all of us advisors were surprised to hear how many of them had considered suicide at one time in their past.
I have long said that it is unfair to expect behavior by our denomination’s youth that we don’t expect from our adults. At my church, people tend to “disappear” when they are going through very difficult times — often returning to whatever faith they grew up in — and return once the crisis has been handled and can, as one person put it to me, “put my Sunday face on again.”
As an advisor I think it is especially encumbent on me to prove my trustworthiness so that a group member in pain will see me as someone safe inwhich to confide. People want to be heard. If we, as spiritual people, train our ears to really hear the youth in our congregations, rather than fear them or idealize them, we can be instrumental in preventing suicide (and a host of other destructive behavior).

By: Ms. M

Ms. M — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 19:41:23 +0000

sad news never ends – just a quick note of those many teen deaths from cars and drugs and violence that are not always attributed to suicide but may be…

thinking today of family grieving…and how the “what if” questions of a young death always ripple outward…

Some other time I might have the clarity to say more about how UU congregations/leaders (despite theology and nice intentions) are lacking in skills and intention to minister to the many many many youth in the congregation who suddenly (or not so suddenly) stop coming, get into “trouble” of some sort and end up in a treatment facility or “school out of state” without anyone reaching out…(and parents/siblings who in striving to keep such things private keep a cycle of isolation and shame in motion, too)…

By: Dan

Dan — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 18:27:31 +0000

Bill @ 1 — Thanks for your comments on suicide and its relation to mental health. But let’s keep this discussion focused on teen suicide — mixing this discussion with the discussion on health care reform is pretty far off topic — and I don’t want to digress in to a discussion of eating disorders at the moment either (although now that you’ve brought it up, I think I’ll plan to do a post on eating disorders in the near future).

Having said that, what I think you’re bringing out is that as Unitarian Universalists, we do not attach any religious stigma to mental illness. This does not, however, imply that our congregations are particularly good at supporting people with mental illness — we’re not — but another feature of UUism is that we are open to using the insights of science, and so therefore we are far more likely to help people seek treatment for mental illness from medical professionals, than to try to “cure” mental illness through religion only — that is, we’re fine with people praying for someone with depression, but we also want to help that person with depression seek prompt and appropriate medical attention.

And this particularly applies to teens and their families. The teen years can place stress on a family, especially if the teen is suffering from mental illness. UU congregations can offer solid support to those families through supporting the family in helping the teen seek treatment; affirming that we do not place a stigma on mental illness; and reaching out to that family as best we can.

As far as the Palo Alto teen suicides, I have been told that one of the teens who committed suicide showed no signs of depression or any other mental illness. Just to reiterate the obvious: Teens with depression are more likely to commit suicide, but that doesn’t mean that all depressed teens commit suicide, nor does it mean that all teens who commit suicide are depressed. For the record, other teen groups that have high suicide rates include GLBTQ teens, and teens who have been bullied.